I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
