He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
