you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
