My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
