I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
