It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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