my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize