The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite