Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?