I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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