its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well