Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
