You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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