Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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