i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
