can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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