I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
