so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
