I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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