i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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