got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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