did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
