So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
