Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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