When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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