every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
