Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
