The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I enjoy the company of your penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
