you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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