I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
