He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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