All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
