He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
