Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize