Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
