2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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