literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
