Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
