Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
