I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
