I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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