I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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