I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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