i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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