My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
