believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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