I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
