Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
