My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
