did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
