So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
