What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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