I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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