So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
