Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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