I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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