Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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