Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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