in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
