Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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