It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
