My nipple is on Facebook.
Your tits are I can't wait for
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You are a genius and a whore.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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