ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
