if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
