I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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